The Color Red
by SinfullBurden
Summary: My life is deluded with the color red. There is red blood, red sky's, red hot fires... and the color of our red everlasting love. So tell me... shall I love red, or abhor it? (Yokozawa X Kirishima equals LOVE)
1. A Bloody Nightmare

**Hello! My name is Sinfullburden, and thank you for choosing to read my story! ^_^**

**This is my first time writing a story about _Sekaiichi Hatsukoi_, so I defiantly do not own it! This is also my first yaoi story, so this will be interesting! I'm actually currently working on one of my old stories pertaining to _Vampire Knight_, and I am starting a new story on _K__uroshitsuji_(Which will also have a yaoi theme, hehe…). Just a heads up, but I have dyslexia and a small disability that affects my grammar and writing. So please forgive me if you notice the numerous grammatical errors! I tried my best! Anyways, enjoy!**

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_"Death is not the greatest loss in life. _

_The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live" ~__**Norman Cousins**_

I was 8 years old when I saw my first dead body.

I was 8 years old when I saw somebody die.

I was 8 years old when my mother cried.

And I was 8 years old when my sister died.

It all happened on a simple, average day. The sun was out. The birds were chirping. And my older sister, Suzu, and I were walking home after a long day of school. My sister was an 8th grade middle school student, and was the smartest in her class. She was also the prettiest. She looked just liked my mother, only younger. My mother had to be the most beautiful lady I ever laid eyes one. And just like my mother, Suzu treated me with the same tender kindness mother gave me.

Suzu was usually the only person who walked home with me. My 4 other siblings had after school activities and team sports. It was because of Suzu's asthma and wok ethnic that made her unable to do any sports or other activities. But she said she didn't really care.

"I'd much rather be with Takafumi-kun, then hang out with those other silly kids" she would say. She would say many things like that to me. And she always did it with a smile. I loved her. I considered her my best friend. So I not only lost my sister that day. I lost my best friend. It happened when we were crossing the street and Suzu's cell phone fell out of her bag into the middle of the cross walk.

"Onee-san, you dropped your phone in the street" I cried, when we had made it to the other side of the street.

"Oh my goodness!" she cried, and she ran back into the cross walk to get it. And then it happened. The cross walk light had already been off for 15 seconds, and the light had turn green.

"Onee-san!" I screamed.

And then I saw her face look at me one last time. Her eyes were filled with confusion, but then she came back to the realization as to where she was standing and what was around her. But it was too late. Going over the speed limit while on their phone, a business man on his way to work crashed his company car right into my sister. After that, everything felt in slow mo. I screamed, but I can't even remember how loud I screamed. All I could hear was a sharp ringing in my ear. I saw my sisters motionless body go into the air for a few seconds, but to me it felt like 5 minutes. She came back down to the ground and skidded multiple times across the street, her body already bruised, bleeding, and mangled. She finally lay still on the ground, her eyes and mouth wide open. But no words came from her mouth. And those glassy eyes stared at absolutely nothing.

I remember running into the street to go after my sister. I remember the adults on the side walk who tried to hold me back so that I may not get hit either. But I didn't care. I ran into the street next to my sister. I dropped to my knees when I took in the horrible damage the car had done to her once beautiful body. I heard car door's slams, people yelling to get help, and other people running over to help.

"I-'I'm so sorry! I didn't see her!" cried the businessman. I looked up at him. He was a man in his mid 40's wearing a dark purple suit. He was also the man who killed my sister. And because I was young and immature, I stood up and pointed an accused finger at him.

"MURDERER! MURDERER!" I yelled at him while tears streamed down my face. I felt a pair of hands go onto my shoulders, and I quickly turned around to see an unfamiliar man.

"Son, you need to calm down" said the man.

"Calm down?!" I said, breaking free from his hands, "He killed my sister! HE'S A MURDERER!"

"What the hell were you thinking?" said another man nearby.

"How could you not see she was standing right there? Are you blind?!" yelled a mother who held her young sons hand. The man at this point was flustered, speechless.

"It-it wasn't my fault! She was standing in the middle of the road when the light was green! It was her own fault!" said the man.

"You bastard! You want to put the blame on this dead girl?! You really are sick! Has someone called the police yet?" said a young college student, who came up to hold the businessman by the collar.

At this point I didn't care what others had to say. I numbly went back to my sister's side, and hugged her mangled bloody body to mine. Nearby, I could hear sirens of the approaching ambulance and fire truck. I then felt my body begin to shake tremendously as I held her lifeless body to mine. And finally I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"SUZU! SUZU! SUZU!" I sobbed.

….

… _Why do such horrible things fall on the shoulders of good people?_

…_If there is a god, why does he allow this?_

…

… _Why couldn't it have been me? Why her?_

… _Why?_

I always ask myself these questions when I relive this nightmare in my sleep. But _ years later, I still have not answered any of them. I am just as what my father once called me.

A disappointment.

A failure.

My friends would beg to differ, but they don't understand. They don't understand the pain and guilt that I live with everyday. They haven't lost everyone they are close to. There is only one person who has ever understood my pain and suffering. And he himself is dead too. I have thought numerous times if I should join him in the land of the dead. But I know that is not what he wants for me. That he would want me to live my life, and somehow find happiness in it. I find this impossible. How can one be happy, if the people who made him happy are gone? I see no other solution in finding happiness.

"Meow" said _, who laid on the pillow next to my head. I scratch him behind the ears and he purrs.

"Well, at least I am not entirely alone" I mummer. But right after I said this, he jumps off the pillow to walk into the living room.

"Remember the one who feeds you" I say after him. I sigh. I'm talking to a cat. Am I really that pathetic? I know if I don't get up now that I will be late for work, so I heave myself up to head towards the bathroom. I look in the bathroom mirror and I let out another long sigh. I look like shit. Well, that's what you get when you're reliving your own personal hell. I know I don't have enough time to shower, so I just splash some water on my face and comb my hair before heading to my closet to pick out my suit. After getting dressed I fill up _ bowl with food, and make myself a quick cup of coffee before heading out the door. I really do not want to go to work today. I have two meetings today, 80 proposals that I have to review, then lastly I have to argue with Masamuni about the number of books he wants to publish on the last shojo book he edited. It's going to be a long day. By the time I get to the office I am already running 5 minutes late, so I sprint to the elevator as it's just about to close.

"Oi! Wait!" I say, pushing the doors open so I can get inside. And then I realize I am not the only one late today. Leaning up against the wall of the elevator is Kirishima.

"My my, this is a rare sight to see. Looks like the grumpy bear is running late today" chuckles Kirishima.

"Can it, Kirishima" I snap. I am not in the mood to put up with his bright, optimism for work. How can anyone be excited to edit manga?

"Someone didn't get enough sleep" he said, noticing the fatigue on my face.

"Yeah, no kidding" I sigh.

"Why not just take today off?"

"Baka, you know I can't do that. My boss would grill me, and I would get behind on my work" I reply, slightly annoyed.

"Ah, you worry too much Yokozawa" he chuckled.

"More like you don't worry enough. I don't understand how you can be so carefree" I mummer.

"Well, just the sight of my daughter puts me in a good mood. So that helps me deal with stress" he sighs, happily. Finally after what seemed like another 10 minutes, I reach my floor.

"Well, I'll see you later" I say as I walk out of the elevator.

"Yokozawa" he says.

I turn around, "What?"

"Just the sight of you, also puts me in a good mood" he says with an easy smile.

I blush furiously and walk back to press the close button on the elevator.

"Baka, go to work!" I say just before the doors close. But before the doors close I can see that he continues to smile at me.

What's with him?

Why can't he act like a normal work colleague?

But most importantly…

_…why is my heart beating so fast?_

…

… Like I said before, this is going to be a long day.

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**Well, what did you think? I know it's sort of short chapter, but it's because I want to piece the story together right. Comment to give me your thoughts, and subscribe if you want me to continue! Thanks again for reading, and see you next time! ^_^**

**Luv,**

**SinfullBurden**


	2. A Bloody Accident

**Hello my fellow reader's, Sinfull****burden here! ^_^**

**I am back with another story! Yay! ****I am actually quite surprised that I finished this chapter so quickly. Usually it takes me 2 weeks or at least a month to finish a chapter. Anyway's, here it is! Chapter 2! Enjoy!**

**WARNING: ****I have dyslexia and minor disability that affects my grammar in sentences. So do not be surprised if you see numerous errors. I am sorry. I really try my best in making my stories. So please do not slam on me about my writing. Because trust me I know. Anyway's, thank you!**

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_"I have found the paradox,_

_that if you love until it hurts,_

_ there can be no more hurt,_

_ only more love"~ Mother Teresa_

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My assumption was right.

Today seemed like an incredibly long day. It also seemed like I couldn't get any of my work done today. The editors told me they were behind on editing their manuscripts; half of my business team was out sick today, Masamune was also out today so we couldn't talk about the number of copies he wants to print, and also the delivering team didn't publish enough copies of one of the books that we are suppose to debut tomorrow. Nothing is going right today. To top it off, I am still a bit shaken from the nightmare I had last night. And then I have Kirishima who keeps saying weird things to me and sending me flirty texts. It's got so bad that I just decided to turn off my phone. But some way, somehow, I get all my work done by the end of the day. I realize I should probably turn my phone back on. But right when it turns on it starts ringing.

Incoming call from Kirishima.

You're joking right? I just turned on my phone!

I sigh and answer, "Hello"

"Finally you answered your phone! Listen, I need you to go pick up Hiyo from her dance class. Works running a little bit late again" he said, tiredly.

"Fine. See you at the house" I say with a yawn.

"Oh, and Yokozawa-san?"

"What?" I ask.

"I love you"

"B- baka! Stop saying stuff like that so easily!" I say, flustered. I could slowly feel the blush creep across my face. Why does he say things like this to me when he knows very well what it does to me? Oh yeah, it's because he is a sadistic ass hole.

"Ehhh? Well when am I allowed to say 'I love you?'" he asks, clearly amused.

I don't get a chance to answer because he quickly says "Shit! I got to go! See you later!" The line goes dead, and I try to slow the beating of my heart. God, that jerk. Whenever he says stuff like that my body goes weak. After calming myself down I grab my stuff and coat then check out.

By the time I reached the dance studio other parents were also just arriving as well.

"Ah, Nii-chan! I missed you!" said Hiyori as she runs to hug me tightly around my legs.

"I just saw you yesterday" I chuckle.

"Still! I missed you, one-san!" she cries happily.

I smile, "I missed you too, Hiyo."

"Hey! Hey! Can we go and eat at **Yaesu Guchi**?" she asks.

"I don't think your dad would be very happy about that" I reply.

"Pleeeeeeeeeease!" she begs, jumping up and down.

I sigh, "How about we go buy some **Taiyaki** to eat later after dinner instead?"

"Okay!"

As we begin to walk I begin to think about the times Masamune and I would go to eat **Yakiniku** during college. I was never a big fan of it, but Masamune loved meat. I did not protest. During those times I was solely devoted to Masamune. And it was all to be in vain. Now he's back with the guy who broke his heart. And now I'm with a man teases me for his own pleasure. Yeah… things just turned out fucking perfect, I sarcastically think to myself.

"Oi! Yokozawa!" say's someone behind me.

I turn around to see the devil himself. Masamune. And of course he is with HIM.

"Well what a surprise. You can appear in public, but not at work when you are needed" I say, immediately agitated just by his presence.

"Oh, calm down. I had personal things to attend to", he replies, defensively.

"What about you? I didn't see you at the office also" I say, nodding at Onodera.

"I had to attend a business meeting in Kyoto. I just got back" he sighs. He looks tired, and stressed. Well, that's what you get when you work in the Shōjo editing team.

"You are babysitting tonight?"Asks Takano, who spots Hiyori. He smiles at her friendly, she giggles.

I shrug, "Kirishima has to work late tonight, so I am just doing him a favor"

"Well that's awfully nice of you. I didn't know you were good with kids" he says, amused.

Apparently, Hiyori grew impatient to all our chit chattering and took it upon herself to stand in front of the crosswalk to cross. I actually didn't realize it until Onodera pointed it out.

"Ah! Yokozawa-san! Look behind you!" he said.

"Hiyori! Come back here this instant!" I shout.

"You're taking too long Nii-chan" she whines, "so I will just meet you up at the Taiyaki place"

"Absolutely not, now come back here!" I shout, now walking at a fast pace towards her.

She sticks out her tongue at me, and decides to run across the crosswalk. But the walking symbol is not up, and the cars that want to turn in that way are now signaled to go by the light. From a fast pace walk I sprint to her.

_No. _

_Dear god, please no. _

_Not Hiyori. _

_Not another dead body I must carry home. _

_Not another grave I have to dig up. Please! _

And then I see it. A transit bus heading down that turn. I run as fast as my legs can carry me. Hiyori is oblivious as to what is happening around her. And right before the bus could hit her; I jump into the crosswalk and grab her. But since I was moving so fast I wipe out. But during the process I make sure to shield her. I skid across the side walk and my head hit's the iron mailbox next to the side of the road. Also next to the mailbox is a lamp post, which stops me from skidding by it hitting the middle of my spine. I hear screams around me and people shouting to get help. But I don't see anything. My eye lids are glued tightly together. I don't have the strength to open them. I don't even have the strength to move. And it's not because I am in pain. I actually don't feel any pain at all. My entire body feels tired and numb. Am I dead? Or am I dying right now? I'm not sure. I am not sure of anything of what is happening right now. I don't know left to right, up to down. The only thing I know is that I blacked out. But before blacking out I heard Hiyori say, "Don't die Nii-chan. Daddy has already lost mommy. His heart can take it to lose you too".

….

….

_I was 9 years old when I saw my 2nd dead body._

_I was 9 years old when I saw another person I love die._

_I was 9 years old when my mother cried._

_I was 9 years old when my brother died._

That year I had decided to join the baseball team at my elementary school. The reason why was because my older brother, **Yoshito**, was the star baseball player at his high school. He had the highest batting average in the area, and was the best pitcher the school has ever had to of seen. He was amazing. He was my hero. I was determined that one day I would be just like my brother. Only problem was I didn't know anything about baseball and I couldn't hit a ball to save my life. I was a terrible player. Both my coaches and teammates saw this and just looked at me with disdain. The only two people who believed in me were my mother and Yoshito. I remember Yoshito throwing balls for me to hit in my backyard. I remember my mom cheering for me from her beach chair, even when I missed the ball. I remember Yoshito and I watching professional baseball on our tiny little television set while he explained all the mistakes and the good things that the baseball players did. And I remember the first time I hit a home run at one of my team's games, and hearing my brother and mother scream and cheer for me at the top of their lungs. I can't even explain the joy I felt after that game. But unfortunately that joy was quickly diminished. After my baseball game we all headed to the high school to go and watch Yoshito's baseball game. It was the last game of the year, and if they won it they would be regional champions. I remember my brother ruffling my hair before getting warmed up in the pitching cage.

"Wish me luck!" he said.

"Good luck!" I cheered, as he jogged over to his team mates. A few minutes later the game started. And then suddenly what felt like only a few seconds later, we were in the bottom of the 9th inning. We were down by one point, the bases were loaded, there were no outs thus far, and my brother was stepping up to pitch at home plate.

"Go Yoshito!" I cheered. He must have heard me because he turned to look at me and tipped his cap at me while he wore a huge grin. That was the last time I would ever see that encouraging grin. I could feel the tension in the air as everybody stood silent when the opposing team's pitcher pitched a fast ball.

Strike one.

Yoshito stepped back from the home plate, and took a practice swing that sliced through the air. He stepped back up to the base to receive the second pitch. He did the same powerful swing he did before stepping up to the plate, but the ball did not make contact with the bat.

Strike two.

By this point everybody was leaning forward. Their eyes wide, their mouths shut. No one moved, not even Yoshito's coach who usually paced back and forth in front of the dugout. It was during this time of complete silence that I noticed Yoshito was not wearing his batting helmet. I wonder if his coach and teammates noticed. I wonder if the umpire and the crowd of supporting fans noticed. But I know that Yoshito finally noticed when the pitched threw a wild pitch and it hit him right in the center of his forehead. I could hear the horrible sound of something crushing when the baseball made contact with his head. I later asked my mom if she heard it, but she asked, "Heard what?" People gasped and cried out when they saw the force of the ball come in contact with his head. But it wasn't until he fell backwards and hit the ground that everybody began screaming.

Strike three.

I remember running down the bleachers and jumping over the mini gated fence that surrounded the front of the baseball field. I remember kneeling next to my brother who lied in a dark pool of blood. And just like my deceased sister his eyes were glazed and stared at nothing, his mouth was partly opened but it had nothing to say. I didn't need a doctor to tell me he was dead. But it was only an hour later that my entire family was sitting in the emergency waiting room. Everyone was there, except my father. He gave some lousy excuse that he had to work overtime at the office, when in reality I know he is probably drunk off his ass and is hanging out at some stripper club. I can remember constantly asking my mom over the years as to why she won't divorce him. But she would just stare at me sadly and say "It's because I can't." The unbearable sadness in my mother eyes didn't make me press any further questions. Now her face is even far more sadder than it was before. She does not cry, but I can tell she is crying on the inside. Last year she lost her eldest daughter; tonight she would lose her eldest son. It was any mother's nightmare to have to bury their children. A few moments later our family doctor walks out of the emergency room. His grave expression says it all, but he explains it anyway. It had something to do with internal bleeding in the brain, killing multiple brain cells, and killing a life necessary nerve cell. But none of us cared what the reason was. Yoshito was dead. My number one supporter died doing what he had tried so hard to teach me. I never played baseball again after that day. I burned my bat in the fireplace, and gave my glove to our next door neighbor's dog as a chew toy. At my brothers funeral we buried his glove and ball with him. We all knew that was what he would have wanted. Halfway through the funeral service it began to rain. People rushed inside, but I remained standing next to my dearest brother's grave.

….

That night we lost the game.

The high school baseball team lost their star player.

His girlfriend of 4 years had lost her boyfriend.

A mother lost her eldest son.

I lost my older brother.

I lost my number one supporter.

And I lost my best friend.

That day, we lost everything… Or so we thought.

And just like that I pull myself out of my nightmare and back into reality. What is sad is at one time that was reality. Yoshito really died that day. He was only 18. A life barely lived. I wonder if I am alive. I am not sure. My eyes lids are still shut tightly together. But I am able to hear again. I hear an anxious beeping sound near me, and a door opening then suddenly closing. I hear the person who walked into the room take a seat on something very closely to me. Then suddenly I feel a warm hand grab hold of my right hand. The person holds it tightly, but not enough to hurt me. I then feel another warm hand stroke the side of my face. This persons hand feels amazing. Why do they feel so familiar? I hear the person sniff a lot until it comes into my realization that the person is crying.

_Open your eyes_, I command myself.

_Open them!_

Finally after much effort and strength my eyes open slowly. When my eyes open I find myself staring at a white ceiling. The room is lit with sunlight coming from a nearby window that is on my left side. I slowly, painfully turn my head to the right to see who my visitor is. It's Kirishima, and he stares down towards the ground but I can see that his face is covered in tears. I am shocked. Never have I seen him like this Kirishima. I do not want to see him like this. It is just too unbearable.

"Kirishima" I mumble, barely audible.

Suddenly, his head shoots back up. His eyes are filled with joy, sadness, relief, regret, and shock. But mostly, his eyes are filled with love. And it is meant just for me.

"Baka… Why are you crying?" I mummer.

"Takafumi! Takafumi!" he cries.

"Yeesh, I am right here. Keep it down' I grumble.

"Baka! Don't give me that! You have no idea how happy I am that you are alive! I thought…" but he doesn't finish, and bursts into more tears.

I sigh. He has been worrying about me this entire time. Just knowing that fills with me an unexplainable feeling of happiness.

"I couldn't leave you. Who would be Hiyo's babysitter" I tease.

Through his tears he smiles at me, a grateful smile.

"You risked your life to save my daughter... I will never be able to express my gratitude enough towards you" he says, softly.

"No need to thank me. It was just instinct" I reply, slightly embarrassed by his graciousness towards me.

"And just how does someone get that instinct?" he teases.

I don't answer. I do have an answer, and that is by seeing all you love die before you. By that point your life doesn't matter anymore. The only lives of others who you care about are what matter. But I do not want Kirishima to know about my dark past. It is something that should not be reminisced.

Kirishima must have noticed how exhausted I must look, as he places a hand on my face and says "Go back to sleep and get some rest."

"I'm fine" I protest. I don't want to say good bye now. Not yet. He must have sensed this because he scoots the chair he was sitting in closer to me.

"Don't worry, I will be here when you wake-up" he assures, caressing my face.

"Mmmm" I say contently, as I feel myself slowly fall back to sleep.

And just before I slip back to sleep, I feel a soft pressure press against my forehead, then my lips.

"I love you Takafumi more than anyone in the world. Please don't ever do something like this again. Because if you were to die, so would my heart as well" I hear Kirishima whisper. A few seconds later I am a sleep. His words prevent me from having another nightmare.

I sleep peacefully with the warmth of his love.

_Our love._

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**Suzu(**鈴**)**:in Japanese it mean's "bell" (This was from the last chapter, forgot to include it)_  
_

**Yoshito(**由人**)**: in Japanese it mean's "correct, nice, original man"

**Yaesu Guchi****(**吾照里**)**: A very popular and well known Yakiniku restaurant In Tokyo. My friends and I went there for dinner one night while we were visiting Japan... I got food poisoned...

**Yakiniku(**焼肉**)**: meaning "grilled meat", is a Japanese term which, in its broadest sense, refers to grilled meat dishes. In a yakiniku restaurant, diners order several types of prepared raw ingredients (either individually or as a set) which are brought to the table. The ingredients are cooked by the diners on a grill built into the table throughout the duration of the meal, several pieces at a time. The ingredients are then dipped in sauces known as _tare_ before being eaten.

**Taiyaki(**たい焼き**): **It is a Japanese fish cake that is usually filled with either red bean paste, custard, chocolate, and sausage. IT IS THE MOST DELICIOUS THING THAT THERE IS TO EAT IN JAPAN! (In my opinion...)

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**Ta~Da!**

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**Leave me a comment to let me know!**

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**Until then, Ja ne! ^_^**


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